Disclaimer: This movie is so damn messy it hurts! It’s painfully cheesy and filled to the brim with B-list actresses whose talents seem to begin and end with being young, attractive, and White. The backstory is also wildly convoluted and extra as hell. But, *sigh* since I, too, am messy: I love this movie!
Black Christmas, being a Christmas horror film, starts the way that all the best horror flicks do: with incest. Le sigh. A woman kills her husband, locks her son in the attic, and (upon realizing that she wants another baby, and that her boyfriend is shooting blanks), proceeds to systematically rape her son. Yup, this is some shit very reminiscent to Flowers in the Attic! Once she manages to conceive a child with her son, Billy (Cainan Wiebe), the rape ends, but Billy’s imprisonment doesn’t. Eventually, when Agnes is eight years old, Billy escapes the attic, taking his mother and her boyfriend’s lives, as well as one of Agnes’ eyes before he is caught by the police, and institutionalized in a psychiatric facility.
15 years later, 35-year old Billy (Robert Mann), escapes from the asylum and goes back to his childhood home, only to find that it is now occupied with a fresh new hell: The most basic sorority girls on Earth. The girls then endure the most terrifying, trauma Christmas of their lives as they are forced to defend themselves against both Billy, and another unknown killer in their midst.
Black Christmas is everything that a great slasher film should be: low-budget, gory, entertaining, yet deeply forgettable. I’ve seen it three times already and had to watch it yet again to write this review. And that’s more of the charm! This is truly a film that you can watch over and over again, not because it’s so great, but because it’s so overwhelmingly incapable of making a lasting impression that it feels fresh and brand new, every single time. I give this one 2.5 stars.